...The End Of The Matter...

The Silent Summons.
A summons, surely, but not so silent right now.
A screaming call of desire to see the heart come alive.
Finally arriving at a place of understanding.
A heart reaching out to the past and finding the present.
A Zealous Lover who will not leave me as someone I am not.
Oh the delight of being alive. The joy of breathing.

And so begins the quest. Or the journey.
The quest was begun years ago and what was lost is found.
And now begins the journey of living that life.
The summons. The summons to live again with my Beloved as ...
... the 10 year old who spent her spare time on a roof in prayer and contemplation...
... the 11 year old who started a church in the backyard fort and was "the priest"...
... the 12 year old who asked her parents for a Strong's Concordance and a Vine's Expository Dictionary for her birthday so she could "study the Word in the original languages"...
... the 17 year old who began to study Amy Carmichael, a Protestant Mystic...
... As the child and teenager who loved life, loved friends, and passionately lived it all.

All the things that were full of Jesus and full of life before things got...
hard.

To fully live the journey that was glimpsed again years later, when life seemed that one day it could be more than just grasping His hand and surviving.
To live out completely as...
... the 27 year old who began to study the Catholic Mystics because they were so in love with Jesus...
... the 28 year old who knew that one day she would be martyed in the Middle East...
... the 30 year old who took her monastic vows in a ceremony before God in Honduras because she could not bear not being fully His....
... the 37 year old who realizes that life really is full of Jesus. That there is no greater thing for her than to sit at His feet in various ways and worship. That life is about love. Loving Jesus and loving friends and loving "family". That it is ok to do only that which He places in her hands...nothing more and nothing less.

That her desire is to follow the Lamb wherever He goes.

Life, life, abundant life.
Joy. Unspeakable joy.
Jesus.

La Estacion, Mexico Pictures

Praying & playing in the C-HOP


The old train station that gives "La Estacion" it's name


Houses in La Estacion


More of the neighborhood


Larry prayer walking in La Estacion


Typical shrine to the "Virgen"


Another shrine


Worshiping in La Estacion


With the children

Praying, Teaching, Worshiping Mexico IV

Leigh playing keyboard and singing


Larry praying on the mic


Leigh praying on the mic


Larry teaching

Mexico Pictures III

These Pictures are a bit obscure...sorry...they were taken last night after dark and the flash on my camera doesn't go as far as I might like it to sometimes. Next week, Larry & I are planning to start going down to La Estacion on our own and doing some worship/prayer sets, etc, so I will have clearer pictures then!

Mexico Pictures II

Leonard praying on the mic...


At the Cuernavaca Pastor's Assoc. Prayer Meeting


At dinner - Leonard & Lesly - Our C-HOP Missionary Friends

First Pictures From Mexico

Our Cute Little Bungalow that has become my contemplative house


Larry in front of the bungalow


La Estacion - the slum


La Estacion

Surely He Has Borne Our Griefs & Carried Our Sorrows....(Isa 53)

Great Thief of Hearts, the strength of Your love has broken even our hard hearts. You inflamed the whole world with Your love. Wisest Lord, inebriate our hearts with this wine, burn them with this fire, pierce them with this arrow of Your love. This Your cross is indeed a crossbow that pierces hearts. Let the whole world know that my heart is striken. Sweetest love, what have You done? You have come to heal me, and You have wounded me. You have come to teach me, and You have made me like someone mad. O wisest madness, may I never live without you. Lord, everything that I see on the cross invites me to love; the wood, the form, the wounds in Your body; and above all, Your love invites me to love You and never to forget You.

(St. Alphonsus Liguori)

Is This Not The Fast....(Isa 58)

Gold, silver, precious stones.
Wood, hay, stubble.

One day I will stand before the Throne of my Eternal Bridegroom and give account for my life. What will be in my hand to offer Him from my love on this earth?

There are so many opportunities in front of me right now. Mexico, Guatemala, California, teaching, preaching, praying, feeding the poor, writing books, worship leading...on and on and on.

Gold, silver, precious stones.
Wood, hay, stubble.

As I pray for direction a memory from Cuernavaca last May surfaces. My friend, Kristen, and I were in front of the main Catholic Cathedral. I was looking at some crosses at a seller's booth when a poor man walked over to me and asked for money. I said no and turned back to the seller's wares. The Lord spoke so loudly to me and said "so, you're going to pretend to worship me while that man starves?" I was so grieved and immediately dashed off after the man and gave him my money, apologizing. I have yet to get over that. And that day I wondered over & over "what happened to me all these years I have not been overseas? What happened to my tender heart that laid down it's life for the broken and hurting out of love for Jesus?" And I looked deeper and wondered when life had become all about my comfort or my reputation or my desires? It was a grievious moment but a sweet rebuke from the Lord who chastens those whom He loves.

So. I remember. And I think of Isaiah 58. And I think of the life of Jesus. And I think about following in His footsteps. I think of throwing away my life, my desires, my comforts, my food, my sleep, my time alone, yea even my "boundaries", for the love of Jesus. For the sake of giving Him a cup of cold water. For the sake of the poor. For the sake of those who no one else will stand in with. For the sake of the broken. And so I am stripped away. Yes. But my hope is that in that stripping, only He would remain.

Gold, silver, precious stones.......

The Silent Summons

In the soft repose of night
The weighty hush in which every breath becomes sacramental
A holy offering and testimony of grace
God hears every heartbeat that breaks the emptiness filling His ears
So longing is He for one to whisper His Name with love

In the stillness He waits
Desiring friends who would hear His sigh in the wind

Aware of the silent summons, the unheard groan of God
Somehow, she knows He is near, though she cannot see Him nor feel
Yet the pain in her heart is not only her own
For He chose her to bear his mark, a wound of God
At once her deepest sorrow and greatest joy

So she bows to the silence and waits
A living sacrifice

Creator and creation sit together, two weary travelers in the land
He comes clad in her poverty, a Brother and a Friend
She comes in her brokenness and finds Him near, their pain the same
The miraculous union of two poor in spirit transpires in the mingled tears
And comfort comes


(written by a friend and lovingly given as a birthday present)

Will You Not Rend This Veil?

There is a nearness of Jesus these days that is inexpressably sweet.
It is as if the very air were laden with the perfume of His Presence.
"Let me near see YOUR Face, let me hear YOUR Voice...for it is sweet"...for He feels so near that I could almost touch Him. As if that line between the present and the eternal were almost thin enough to step across into His embrace.
His nearnness is intoxicating. Yet stirs a painful longing for more.
To be completely joined.
To know Him. To be with Him.
"And the two shall become one flesh"
Union.
Oh Eternal Lover! "Will You NOT rend this veil"?

Sweet, delicious agony.....

When Shall I behold the Face of God?

There is a picture of an angel on my wall. He's standing over the bed of a little boy and holds a flame in his hand. The verse comes to mind about the Lord encamped around His people.

And I wonder. Is He encamped around me tonight?

After the day I've had I want to think not. Yet my day should not dictate His promises. But the world seems like a dark and friendless place lately. Devoid of anything that is cheerful and good. The deep past rears it's ugly head and my wounds mock the goodness of God. My logic crys that it is not as it seems. My heart does not or cannot hear and withers inside my breast.

Oh when shall I behold the Face of God? When will my Beloved return to rescue me out of this pit?

As that angel keeps watch over a young boy, my heart longs to believe that Jesus posts a watch over me.....and a whisper comes....blessed are those who cannot see and yet believe....

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps..." (Prov 16:9)

By the grace, mercy and direction of God we made it home safely last night! :)
It was an interesting time for as easy as it was to get to Mexico it was equivalently hard to get back to Kansas City. And although we have some clarity we are still not sure of all the reasons why.

First we got horridly lost in Mexico City and I finally had to pay a taxi 90 pesos to lead us out of the city and to the road we needed. And although it was frustrating to be lost everyone we met was so incredibly kind! The gas station workers were opening maps for us to figure out how to get to the road, customers were giving us directions, and the taxi driver was so very helpful. It was almost worth being lost to be so loved on, helped and encouraged. The Hand of Jesus just HAD to be in it...

Then we drove until 4am and were finally so tired that we just had to stop and ended up stopping in the only city nearby...San Luis Potosi...the same city mentioned in a previous blog. We never would have chosen for me to have to spend the night in THAT city but God obvioulsy had other plans. I had no problems, no fears, no nothing...and slept like a baby! Jesus surely proved to me that my healing on the drive down had been REAL!!

Moving along we made it as far as Austin Texas before the car broke down. We stopped, called my awesome amazing husband on the cell phone who walked me through getting the battery re-connected and we ended up staying the night in Austin. Still aren't totally sure why, but I expect the Lord has His reasons even if we won't know what they are until eternity!

We thought we were in the clear when suddenly the car broke down AGAIN on the outskirts of Dallas. We got it sort of started again and Lo and Behold the exit we made it off at had a little mechanic shop. They changed my battery and then stripped the positive battery cable so it would fit properly (which seemed to be the problem) and we were off again, honestly beleiving that God had us stop there to pray for that town.

Well, about 10 minutes later the car went out again. This time on a very busy section of interstate in Dallas. We barely edged off the road and finally I realized this was critical. Kelsey (the MK we were bringing home) and Kristen got under an overpass in the shade while I called Larry, tried to figure out if I had towing service etc. Nothing. Larry called his parents (who live in Dallas) but his Dad wasn't home. We sat there at least 45 minutes if not more. Finally, in spite of our proximity to traffic I decided to try and look at the car. As I walked over I prayed God would send help and then immediately 2 men stopped who were a bit rough looking but SUPER nice. They ended up getting the car started and off at an exit and left us there to go get new battery cables and ended up fixing the car at no charge whatsoever. HAD to be God.

But why couldn't we get out of Texas? We observed that God could just as easily keep the car running as have us break down in convenient places with free help. Kristen, Kelsey & I were praying and came to 2 conclusions. One, God was trying to show HIs nearness and protection. If the car had never broken we would never have "seen" His Hand moving on our behalf. And second, He told us all that we had reconciliation responsibilities. So, Larry & I finally got in touch with his parents and I asked to come by just to say hi and chat. Unfortunately they are in a rough time right now with health so I was not able to go by but I did reach out to do so and was released before God. Then we agreed to stop at Kristen's Grandparents in Oklahoma. (which we did do, for the night) and we were released. We had no more car trouble.
Very very interesting the ways of this amazing God of ours, eh??

SO!!! We are home safely. Glad to be with friends we missed but having the typical re-entry shock and hard moments of readjustment. BUT! We follow the Lamb wherever He goes and right now this is where He would have us and I am excited to get back into the swing of things with the IHOP here. I trust that He will continue to have as much for me here in KCMO as there in CNAVCA!!!

It was such a wonderful trip! Thanks so much for your prayers. And financial support. I could not have done it without you.

And a special thanks and recognition to my wonderful husband Larry who is the only man I have ever known who legitmately loves his wife as Christ loves the church and lays down his life for her.....

"This is the way, walk in it...." (Isa 30:21)

Mission trip emails are one of those odd paradoxes in the Christian walk. When stories come up I struggle between "not letting my left hand know what my right hand is doing" and filling prayer partners and supporters in on what transpires. But, at the risk of losing my reward :) I want to go ahead and tell you one fun story and then fill you in on a not so fun one and an interesting one which will be no risk to my crown.

Kristen and I went downtown to the central plaza today on a quest to find street children to support and had an interesting thing happen. The main cathedral is usually a hotspot so we went there and ran into a little boy of about 7 years. He was begging and so we gave him some money, as we did other people in the area. Afterwards we went and sat on the cathedral steps and I was just in a discouraged mood. Wanting to do more somehow but not sure if this was really on the Lord's Heart or if there was somethng else too. So I was praying and afraid of my own possible hardness of heart when suddenly this small fireball of white hot light about the size of my fist fell and disappeared before it hit the ground really close to the above mentioned little boy. And I could feel the presence of Jesus. But, taken aback and unsure of myself and thinking maybe it was a flower (off of which of the 10 trees that weren't flowering I have no idea...but still) I wandered over and saw no flowers or anything else. The boy came over and again asked for pesos so I started chatting with him, asking why he wanted them, if he were hungry. He said yes, he wanted a coke and chicken at which point he was joined by a young girl and then a mother of two small children. So, we decided to buy lunch for everyone. And proceeded to do so, really feeling that we had the kiss of God in this. I was able to find a nearby restaurant with chicken and bought chicken meals and coke all around. He was so thrilled. We were so thrilled as well. I have no doubt that we not only fed little ones in Jesus Name but also fed Jesus...for when you do something for one of the least of these you have done it unto Him. I do so love such things.

This morning I had a shining example of the love of Jesus. We were to lead a devo set and before we got on stage I had the feeling that I was supposed to play a certain song. I, however, declined to do so thinking that everyone would be very tired of that song. So I picked others and proceeded into this horrible set with no anointing nor even a reasonable facsimile. I slogged through this mud for about 40 minutes before I turned to the Spirit and asked what the problem was (I not only was playing terribly but lost my voice and etc) at which point I was reminded that I was supposed to be playing other songs. I leaned over the Kristen and got her to pull out those songs (after I repented) and suddenly what I was playing got better and the sweet presence of Jesus was there. (Kristen commented in our "de-briefing" that she did not know what was going on but could feel the difference too). I was so delighted that He was there and that He loved me enough to so clearly prompt me and also discipline me that I was stifling a joyful laughter and had to leave the stage right after those songs and let Kristen take over. It was so great to have moments like that with Him again. My life suddenly is so incredibly NORMAL (for me anyway). Either all of this is about Jesus or it isn't. And if it really is then if He wants me to sit there and play the same song for 2 hrs...so be it. If I want to be fully owned by Him, if my life truly is not my own, then the love in my heart needs to well up into HIS desires, not mine! I love it....

My other "hemming in" lesson of the week went much better. Kristen and I were going to play "tourist" this one day and go to the indigenous tourist market in a town called Taxco which is about 1 hr from here. So off we went and about 20 minutes into the drive I started getting irritable and wierd and crabby which really is unusual for me. I didn't clue in at first (haven't been in that dark of a spiritual climate in years) but then abut 10 minutes later I said (out loud) "Wait! This is familiar, it's spiritual". So we started praying and I asked the Lord if we shoud not be going to this town. (It's one thing to go into a dark place on the Lord's command it's totally another to go to play "tourist"...this is a deadly game of warfare and well I know it after 15+ years in such nations...you can literally get yourself killed pulling stunts like that). I asked the Lord to make it really clear if we were to leave. About that time I started being suffocated, for real, and we started literally seeing things. Enough said. I made a "U Turn" right in the middle of the highway and drove back to Cuernavaca. As we drove home we went through a good ole repentance and de-sliming and all was well. Praises to Him for guiding us through His Holy Spirit!!

On Sunday morning the Pastor (who I think so highly of!!!) pulled on of those "Now Hermana Lia is going to share with us about her journey in the House of Prayer". It was great fun. Not much time to prepare but just trusted that the Lord would give the words...and He did. I ended up sharing out of II Chron 20:21-22 and Luke 18:1-7, then really exhorting them to maintain their places in the House of Prayer and in this spiritual war. I also was blessed to preach on Saturday on Song of Songs Ch 3, Ch 5 & Union with Jesus.

Anyway, there are many other things that have happened this week...feeding people, prayer walks, the Guidance of the Lord and times with Jesus. But I don't want to keep you all day so I thought I'd just give you a wee snack. :)

Be assured that all is very very well...that we are seeing God's Hand in a variety of ways that are awakening BOTH of us to our own hearts and to the Heart of Jesus for us. We are both walking in places that we have not walked in a long time and encountering Jesus in old ways and new. It's been a good trip!!

THANK YOU for your continued prayers. We will be driving home this weekend. Leaving Cuernavaca at midnight Friday night and arriving home sometime on Sunday.

Love to you all....

When I passed by you and saw you struggling in your own blood... (Ezek 15:6)

Guau. For real I have no idea how to begin. There is so much boiling around in my heart and as usual I have so little expressive vocabulary. Well...let me grab a thought....well..no...ok...hm...

What I want to share is the core of my heart....not just the externals...my heart is actually beating again. And I just want to cry. It's unbelievable. And odd things (at least to me) have awakened it. Like playing another devo set yesterday. For about 20 minutes I was in this flow with Jesus using a song from IHOP and one I wrote combined and BAM! there Jesus was. It has been so long since I have worship led (YWAM? Grandview Christian Church?) and even longer since Jesus showed up when I did that I started tearing up at the sense of nearness and almost couldn't play. Then suddenly it wasn't even "me" playing anymore. And I looked into the room and I wasn't the only one feeling Him. And my heart was suddenly breathing. I can still feel Him, even writing about it. I don't know what to do or think. I just feel...well..gosh....lovesick!!

And once my heart came alive it really took off into "scary" places that I never wanted to see again. Leonard and Pastor Ivan took us to see this porperty they are trying to get that Campus Crusade owns/owned that was built for the purpose of (as the wall says...) "Day and Night Prayer to the Praise of Jesus and the Evangelization of the World until He Returns". Sound familiar? And what they want to do with it is just that. And train young missionaries. And there my heart leapt to life in old dreams. As I sat there praying in the "tower", which is an exact replica, for real, of the Tabernacle of David (Ark of the ovenant and all!)I could see dreams from the past again......

I didn't say anything at first as dreaming is still hard for me. Last summer Shelley told me in an email to dream again. I had a fit (estad seguro, que en realidad, te quiero Shelley!! Me has caido muy muy bien!!) as dreaming again for me was not simple, not like "gee I hope I can do well in school" but throwbacks to 1999 in Argentina and 1990 in Colombia...things like "I want to see 24/7 prayer places in Latin America, Europe and the Middle East. I even want to buy a ship to put one on. I want my citizenship from an Hispanic country so I can take short term teams to the Middle East, especially Hispanic teams, and I am less likely to arouse suspicion. I want to teach missions, to help people know how to reach other people for Jesus. To teach them how to worship & pray and take that to other countries. I want to teach people to export Jesus, not forms. I want to hear God again and be in radical obedience. I WANT MY LIFE IN JESUS BACK. I want people to be startled again because everything everything everything is about Jesus to me, as I see Him in scripture and I want to be like Him in everything. I want to start to look like Him and smell like Him and I want other people to want that too...." Ah! An alive heart....

But then when Leonard asked "did anyone get anything" I finally said (explaining that this was not "the Word of the Lord" but my own heart) that I could see this place being a place of non-stop worship & prayer where young missionaries were sent out steeped in Jesus. And how I would love to take out short term teams of them one day to the Middle East. (Just like I would love to take short term teams out from the IHOP-KC to Latin America!! We train them the Latins, they go to the Middle East etc etc. Takes years, but, so? Maybe it'll never happen? So? It's a dream that's worth dreaming....FOR REAL....and it's on the Heart of God...)

Anyway. So. Point being my heart is alive. And do I still plan to stay on Full Time staff at the IHOP-KC? Oh yes!! And do I still want to teach (or whatever) in the Apostolic Missions Institute there? Oh yes!!! (If they let me!)

But now, my heart is dreaming again too. Not dreams for next week maybe. Maybe I'll never get my dual Mexican & American citizenship (although I can!!! Remember when I almost got my Colombian citizenship?). Maybe I'll never go to the Middle East. Maybe I'll never raise the dead. Maybe I'll never even heal the sick again. But!!!! I loved Him totally and completely even in the pain & loss while I "lay there in a pool of my own blood" and at times when I thought I was going to be eternally separated from Him. When I was sexually abused in San Luis Potosi Mexico in 1988 on my first missions trip as a young teenager (even though I never told anyone until 1996) and this trip when I got to go back to that city for the first time since and let it all go. When at times people hurt me and I hurt them. When I thought I had missed His Voice and didn't know which way to go.

I will love Him totally now too, in the midst of my dreams. I will live and I will hear His Heart beat again...and I will DANCE to it as I once did...

I LOVE HIM. Always.

Of Sickness, Slums and Sets

I haven´t wriiten in a bit because I have been striken with a rough case of Montezuma´s Revenge for about 36 hrs now. I could not keep anything in my system and this morning, thinking it might be at least in part spiritual I just got out my guitar and spent 3 hrs worshipping. Since, I have actaully kept an entire Coke in me and I am happy. Leonard was threatening to give me a shot to soothe my insides but maybe now that won´t be necessary! :) PLEASE PRAY that we will have no more probelms with sickness.

As for happier news...

I was so blessed and excited to get to play a devo set at the IHOP here yesterday morning. I cannot remember the last time I had so much fun. I have now discovered that I LOVE doing devo sets. As a result I will be playing several next week...and depending on my stomach...maybe one tomorrow morning. It was a really precious and sweet time!!

We also had the opportunity to go into La Estacion this week...which is indeed a serious slum. While some of the group washed and cut hair Kristen and I got to do face painting on the kids while we just hung out and chatted with them. We also got to do a little prayer walking when we could sneak away from the men who were blessedly and lovingly protective of us. We will be going back on Saturday and taking our guitars to spend some time just worshipping and inviting the presence of Jesus into the area. There is SO MUCH that can be done in that area. One of the things I am looking into is coming down periodically and doing a clinic. Apparently, and not surprisingly, there are serious health needs in the area. Even a good de-worming in the name of Jesus would be a plus!!

That´s about it at the moment. Sorry to be brief but I am still rally weak and we have to go to an internet cafe to email. Be assured of the nearness of Jesus with us!! I felt Him so close in La Estacion, at the Devo Set and even this morning while I was worshipping away in the midst of my stomach ickiness. He is indeed ever present.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I will email again when I get a chance.

...and the Lord set ambushes... (II Chron 20:22)

We arrived safely in Cuernavaca last night much to everyone's relief!! :)

Already I am fascinated and relieved to see how the Lord is going before us....for in spite of the fact that we had all of the paperwork on hand that, according to the Embassy was all we needed, we were lacking appropriate documentation for the car. As opposed to a "notarized copy of the title" I was supposed to have the original. Then they wanted to see my tag registration, of which I had the wrong one (it said my tags expired in 2005!) So, they bounced me from line to line telling me I could not enter. Finally I ended up in the "Aduana" (Customs Officials) line which was my last shot at being allowed to go in. Kristen was praying and I also put the trip before the Lord, AGAIN. I told Him that I wasn't going to try and get in through on my own effort but if this was Him then He would make it work. If this man said "no" I was just going home. Interestingly enough, Mr Aduana pulled all sorts of wierd strings as I was sitting there praying and let us in. GO GOD! Our hosts, Leonard & Lesly, were quite surprised that we were allowed through, as were we, but apparently we have a huge "kiss of the the Lord" upon is.

So. Here we are and here is the basic plan for week 1 (PLEASE PRAY!!!):
(note: during "IHOP" hrs, Kristen & I will be playng some sets)

Tues: IHOP 8a - 2p Street Kids 2p - ??
Wed: IHOP 8a - 2p Fast & Pray for Thurs trip
Thurs: IHOP 8a - 2p Leigh to go w/ Leonard to a "witch town" called Tepotzlan to pray & worship
Fri: IHOP 8a - 2p Leigh teach on Song of Songs 5p
Sat: Kristen Teach (End TImes?) 3:30p - 5p Leigh& Kristen Teach Prophecy/Healing

Our drive down, although really long, went well. We met some of the nicest people I have talked to in a long time. And it was good to be in Latin America again!!

So!! Pray for us for covering and that the kiss of Jesus would stay with us.

My Trust from my Youth...(Ps. 71:5)

Many of the things that have been coming up in my life lately have been taking me back to earlier years. (Hence the title of this blog!)

For three years now I have been investigating a Celtic Evangelical (ie Protestant) Monastery in Oregon. I have made application to spend a month there either in January or sometime next summer. For those of you who have tracked with me, especially over the last 10 years, you know that I have had a "love affair" with Monasticism since it burns so deeply in my heart to be wholly owned by Jesus. What you may not know is that this desire goes all the way back into my childhood. I cannot remember where I picked the concept up but as you can see in the picture I was taking very early stabs at my goal.....with a bathrobe, a scarf and a candle my parents had....and I drug my little friends into it too. :)

Originally (@ 10 years ago) I started reading the Catholic Saints...Mother Teresa (thanks Aunt Kathryn!!), John of the Cross and St. Francis of Assisi mostly. In recent years I have been reading alot about Celtic Christianity and Monasticism. These two 'paths' of Christianity have similarities and differences but blended together they are exciting!! One point of delight is that Celtic Monasticism has not only a celibate expression but a married expression. And, yes, Larry has been studying all of this too!! In fact, we are going to a monastery in May for our 10th Anniversary.

So. Although I have spent time at several Catholic Monasteries over the years I have only recently found this Protestant one and am very excited to have made application to spend a month there. We'll see..... :)

I sleep but my heart is awake; It is the Voice of my Beloved (Songs 5:3a)

It feels like there is a shift of some sort going on lately. Like it’s a "Suddenly of God".
Old dreams are boiling to the surface alongside new ones and I hardly know what to think or feel these days.

Missions is coming back onto my radar….

First I had the opportunity to teach on the Song of Songs to a group of Mexicans visiting from Cuernavaca in March. I had not preached in years. But I had so much fun. And was surprised that there really were things burning on my heart to say.

I am also back in school, getting my Master’s degree in New Testament and Missions. I am really excited to be again studying the two things I love!!!

And now on Saturday I will be leaving for Cuernavaca, Mexico. A weird thing happened with that this morning too. Last night I was praying about whether or not I had made the right decision to go and whether or not driving down was wise. I prayed last night that God would make it clear. At 5am today I woke up and an angel (@ 9ft, skinny & white) walked through the room. He didn’t look at me, just walked through. I was intrigued then fell back asleep. Then suddenly I was awakened by a small, pudgy, brown (angel?) that sharply yelled my name…not in any way malicious but with the very obvious intention of jolting me awake. That was at 8am. It was like a call (but to what?). I lay and mulled it over for about ½ an hour then got up. I had the definate peace inside though that I was to go to Mexico and that I was to drive. Anyone have any thoughts???

Then there’s the dream of 24/7 Worship/Prayer alongside Missions…..

Admittedly, there is no ship invovled, but the desire of 24/7 Worship and Prayer with a Missions focus alongside has never completely left me. Back in Brazil in 1999 God made the following things very clear (I have been going back through my notes to double check this): 24/7 Worship & Prayer, 2nd Coming of Jesus, the "wall" (Nehemiah), missions, the Middle East. I am (as you know) at a 24/7 Prayer ministry (IHOP-KC) and they are now in the grass roots stages of starting an Apostolic Missions Institute. I very much want to be involved with this if the Lord would allow it. We'll see.....

Come, my Beloved....let us go forth to the field (Songs 7:11-12)

There is a House of Prayer that has been started in Cuernavaca, Mexico. We (Larry & I) have an invitation to be involved in the House of Prayer as well as starting a ministry in the slum area of El Estacion. According to missionary friends there this area is the "cradle of street children" or the area where most of the street children come from.


I am stunned & excited over the possibility of being able to work with street children again and as I sit and meditate on the possibility I remember Isaias in Brazil. Even though it was, what, 6, 7, (?) years ago it is as fresh on my heart and mind like it was yesterday. I can still see the hurt in his eyes and feel the searing pain in my heart when we had to leave Brazil because of VISA issues and I had to leave Him behind. I felt so useless at the time. So grieved as I offered him up to Jesus and left. I remember the agony of returning for a week visit, hunting him down in the streets of Porto Velho only to find that he was hooked on drugs and had no recollection of me.

And now here I sit with a chance to walk into such situations again. There is a groaning deep in my spirit to see captives set fee, to see the abandoned loved with the love of Jesus. And at the same time there is the burning desire to weep with Jesus in the Garden.

And, I wonder, what does He weep over? Certainly over the things that are to come...but also over the things that are.

As I long to weep with Him in the secret place I also long to weep with Him in the streets. He said that whatever I do unto the "least of these" I have done also to Him. Would it not stand to reason then that as He weeps in the form of a street child that comforting that child is giving a place for Jesus to lay His head and find peace? Even the cup of cold water (beans & rice, trip to McDonald's or candy bar, as it were) then, is weeping with Jesus...not only ministering to the hurting and broken as He flows through my small acts, empowering them with His deep love, but also ministering to His broken Heart.

This is the Second commandment which is so very like unto the First...love the Lord Your God...with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.....