Basketball Inner Healing...but at the Fencing Center of course

Last night was one of the oddest nights I have had in fencing.
Hard to imagine, I know. :)






For no reason that I could put my finger upon I was just "off".
No energy. Just feeling drained.
And no reason for it.
Thus, I spent most of my night just sitting in the floor and chatting.

As I was sitting there, towards the end of class, I started getting this huge desire to play with a basketball again.

About a week and a half ago God had revealed to me that one reason I would not really engage in fencing or any other sport, among other things, was because of a basketball game that took place in Mexico in 1988.....

Flashback to 1988.....

If you have followed my blog over the years you know that something...well....way less than fun... happened to me in the summer of 1988 in Mexico when I was 18.

A few days later I was playing basketball (see picture) with a bunch of girls and could not get the ball away. So, I suddenly hauled off and punched the girl. I was so startled at my own anger and reaction that I quit and swore I would never play basketball or any other aggressive/contact sport again. And I haven't played anything but softball since even though I absolutely loved basketball.

Fast forward to 2008....

So, then Jesus revealed to me, about a week & 1/2 ago, that this incident was blocking my fencing among other things.

I had thought at 18 I was just a terrible, mean person. I did not then have the understanding that I have now. The issue obviously was not sports but just having been in a really abusive type situation and no way to process it.

So, I dealt with all those "inner vows" and went through the inner healing steps....etc.

Then I suddenly woke up at 4am yesterday morning with an overwhelming urge to play basketball.
So interesting and odd.
I lay there for an hour with adrenaline just pumping through me trying to figure out if I should get up and go find a place to play.
Finally I went to sleep.

Fast Forward to fencing last night (Thurs) ......

After fencing was over and everyone was cleaning up I asked Kelly if she had a basketball and if she minded if I played with it for about 2 minutes.
She told me to go ahead.
I went to the office, got a ball, and just started dribbling it, shooting...it was fun...I hadn't handled a basketball in 21 years...

Then Kelly caught one of my rebounds and I asked her "hey...do you want to play with me?"
And she did.
And I was able to reach into somewhere and find energy that I had not possessed all evening and gave the game (which turned into 1/2 an hour) everything I had.
I played hard.
I loved every moment of it.
I did not hit anyone.....
....and I knew I was free.

Oh the kindness and mercy of God.

Now it will be interesting to see if my ability to engage with fencing improves any! ;)

One other thing I have confirmed.....I really love sports and am sad I have shut it out of my life for so many years.

For the JOY of it....Fencing Lesson # ?????

I was in a bout with Jason last night when suddenly I heard Kelly say: "there is a direct correlation between you smiling and getting touches."

I stopped mid stride and said "really!? Well, what is it?"

She pointed out that when I was smiling, I relaxed more and actually made my touches (hits).
But when I had a serious look on my face, I didn't do well.
So, she encouraged me to just "have fun" and stop thinking about it so much.
I made some comment about being typically over analytical and soon thereafter we all went home for the night.

It was a really interesting point.
At the moment something about it just felt freeing and encouraging.
And I couldn't shake it off.

Late into the night last night I thought about it....
....and soaked in the goodness of the feelings.

Then suddenly it hit me.
It was yet another divine moment.
God was telling me something not just about fencing but about life.

This was my fencing lesson on living from the heart.

I live too much from the head. WAY too much.
And I've lost alot of the ability to live from my heart.
I have to have the formula, or the right procedure. I have to get it all right.
Ties into no mercy nor patience for myself, therefore.

But God is saying, "No!", it's not like that. I am not like that."
Breathe, live free, live from your heart...

Just live and love and do for the sheer JOY of it.....
without so much analyzation.....
without so much thinking....

JUST RELAX AND HAVE FUN.

Is this what mercy looks like...?...another fencing lesson

Sunday was a bad fencing day.
I arrived to the in-house tournament completely exhausted and not just a little stressed from the disaster simulation on Saturday.

I did fairly well emotionally up until my last bout.
I lost that bout. Horribly so. I was so tired I could not think and that made me angry with myself.
And, well, I threw my mask on the floor afterwards.
Not so hard that I thought anyone would notice, but still.


I walked away from the strip and cooled off.
Then I heard Kelly's voice calling me over.
Oblivious as to why I walked over.

It quickly came to light that Kelly had seen me throw my mask.
But she didn't yell at me.
She didn't even raise her voice.
She explained to me what she saw, why it was wrong and I hung my head totally ashamed.
I looked up and said, sincerely, "I am so sorry".
I was in the wrong, I deserved to be fussed at, and I said so.

All Kelly said was "It's ok."

Today is Tuesday. For the past 48 hrs I have been beating myself up.
Now I hear someone on a piano singing "thank you for your kindness, thank you for your mercy"
and it hits me.....oh my gosh.....it was mercy that Kelly showed me.
I blew it, I was wrong, I deserved to be throughly chastised and all she said was "it's ok" and I was forgiven.

I am weeping as I write this.
I have never had any room for mercy for myself anymore that I have ever had patience.
I did not even have room for GOD to have mercy for me.

But, now, once again, in Kelly, I have seen God.
I have seen mercy.
I deserved judgment but she handed me mercy.

Is this what God is like????

I'm suspecting maybe so.....
And, oh, what a relief that would be.
What freedom and rest would be in that reality.

Oh please let it be true.....

Swordplay PhotoShoot by LarryBoy

CRI Simulation Day

Crisis Relief International (CRI): Teaching First Aid

Crisis Response International (CRI) began the final portion of the most recent DRT (Disaster Relief Training) last night. I had the privilege of teaching the First Aid section......


Teaching victim assessment....

























Demonstrating on Larry (my husband) how to check a victim all over for bleeding....




















And now it's the students' turn to try.....

Crisis Relief International (CRI)

Thursday evening I will be teaching the First Aid portion of the CRI Disaster Relief training.
In preparation for that, my friend Kynada and I went to the warehouse to see what medical supplies we could find.

It was like prepping for clinic in the third world and brought back so many great memroies.

I teach on Thurs and then head up the medical tent in the simulation on Saturday.
So....more blogs to come.















Lots of stuff to sort through!!







Suture kits.
How I wish I could actually stitch someone up in the USA!!















Cool! I haven't seen a 10cc syringe since Honduras!
































My dear friend Kynada

Point Control ala Jake

Photo Shoot

Paige Wickwire took me out to Shiloh yesterday and did a photo shoot to cheer me up.
She did a really good job both with the encouragement and the photos! ;)

Prophetic Hotdogs and "Go Cubs!"

Dianna, one of my housemates, had a the delightful idea of inviting the household plus friends and significant others to a bonfire in Antioch Park Saturday Night.

I cannot remember the last time I had such a fun, carefree night.

We had "prophetic hotdogs" ala Selenia...

....cheered for the Cubs (and I wore a Cubs cap just for the sake of love even though I do not even know what sport they play)...

....told stories, sang old 80's songs of various genres (yes, that was us old folks "dating" ourselves)....

and just generally had a stress free, care free good time with dear friends.