I remember You. I don't remember "frump God"...I remember YOU.

(blog title is an adaptation from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding")

Lately God has had me re-reading old YWAM books. I had not picked these books up for years although they were a steady part of my diet 8, 9, 10 years ago. I was so afraid that if I read them I would be angry or sad or feel like God was nowhere to be found anymore. That something would stir in my heart that I could do nothing about.

So I've been fighting to not read them.
Then a few days ago, I gave in.
And, yes, something did happen in my heart.
Something came alive.

I am beginning to see that God in not small and incapable as I was beginning to believe Him to be.
Just because life has been so hard and dry for me over the past few years does not mean He is a not alive & well & still moving on the earth.
He is not the little God I now have but a HUGE God who does wonders. Huh.
He is not the powerless God I was starting to believe but He is strong and mighty to save.
He is not the distant and unconcerned God, He is a loving God Who is near at hand.

I cannot really explain the shift that is starting in my heart. But it is starting.
I really truly can know God again. For real. This big, powerful, loving, delightful God that I once knew.
This God is truly the God of the Universe. The God of the Bible. The God Who lives with us moment by moment.

Wow.

And as my heart peeks out of it's cave I start to remember the days when I ran with God. For real. When He was every breath and the delight of my world....not merely my survival.
As David in the Psalms I remember how I "used to lead the procession into the house of the Lord".
Why are you downcast O my soul...hope in God.

I remember El Salvador when the demons went with a word. Yes, that did happen, didn't it?
I remember when I was overcome intercession and stayed home all day weeping and praying over the people.
I remember Maria getting instantly healed when God told me to pray for her.
I remember Him showing up in Argentina.
I remember how He led us safely out of South America on a cargo ship.
I remember hearing His Voice.
I remember seeing God move in little ways.
I remember the deep friendships He sent my way.
I remember the little unexpected "gifts".
I remember His tenderness.
I remember joy.
I remember life.
I remember Him.

Oh that I would live in that place again.

And as my heart moves and comes alive through my reading I think......maybe....maybe it really is possible. Maybe we weren't wrong. Maybe......just maybe......maybe there really is resurrection.....maybe there really is LIFE and LIFE MORE ABUNDANTLY!!!!!!

Union With God: A Poem from the Dark Night - circa 2005

What are You thinking?
What are You feeling?
As You come to the door
Dripping with the blood of Your passion?
You have been crowned
Crowned by Your mother
Rejoicing in Your wedding day
Resulting
In this knocking
Are You longing too?
Longing, calling, weeping
Desiring that the one You desire
That You love
That You want to run with
Would run with You to the garden
And weep?
Weep just one night with You?
Share the burdens of Your heart?

You stand at the door
Your Head of Divinity covered with dew
Your locks of humanity with the drops of the night
The night……the night
Ah. So You enter Your dark night
And long for companionship there
How Your heart must long and yearn also…..
And so You woo
Woo the one Your heart desires
“My sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one”……
Your heart reaches out to partner.
Weep with me…..weep with me yet this one night.
But she does not understand.
How Your heart must break
How can You stand to weep alone?


Don’t weep alone, O God-man
Don’t weep alone!
Though she hesitated for a moment
She arose
Arose to run after You
To run with You
To rejoice over You
“My Beloved is white
He is ruddy!”
Yes! Yes! Now she sees
You are the God-man
You are altogether lovely
You are the Well-Beloved
You are my friend.

She sees! She sees!
And You no longer weep alone
She sees Your passion and joins You
She sees You laid in the tomb
Upon Your bed of spices
She no longer runs from You
She runs after You

What are You thinking?
What are You feeling?
You led her into a dark night
That she might partner with You in Yours
Your heart was not to destroy
But to purify
Your desire was to draw her closer
To make of her one who could weep with You
And that which was declared of You
You now declare of her.
The desire of Your heart was a Bride
And a Bride You have fashioned
How Your heart rejoices!
Yes, she is Jerusalem in Your eyes.


My heart is screaming
You love me…..You love me….
This was not unto death
But unto Life
You desired me
And were intentional in Your pursuit
You would have me
Yes, even me
To become a part of You
Will You let me, then, weep with You
Even this one night
Will You let me run with You
And tend to the desires of Your Heart?
Me? Even me?

Your dark night is Your tenderness
You look on with longing……
with compassion…….
with ardent desire………
That burns and will not be quenched.
You love. You love so deeply
That You must be poured out
And then You pour out the ones You love
Your intentions are tender and good
They are love
Yes, You weep with us
When even as yet, we could not weep with You
Yet You continue to form
to create
As clay in the hands of the Potter
So You fashion Your Bride
In the furnace of the dark night
And though we think You sleep…….
……… no ………
Your Heart is ever awake…..
ever longing……..
ever desiring……..
Your eyes burn like a flame of fire
The fire of Your ardent love
And those whom You love
You discipline
And those whom You love
You purify
And though You do not delight in the process
You delight in the result.


So what are You thinking?
What are You feeling?
Love
Desire
And the furnace of the dark night
Is to bring about a vessel
In which You see Your face reflected
And You are satisfied.

Like A Day In Latin America....

First, you start by singing an intercession set in Spanish. This sets the mood of the day and gives everyone a chance to pray for Latin America and the Hispanics of Kansas City.

Then you go to an apartment complex that is about 99.9% Hispanic and do a children's outreach.

Don't forget to end with a pinata!! :)