Ode to Sister Mary Jessica

Lately I have been re-reading Elisabeth Elliot's book on the life of Jim Elliot. Shadow of The Almighty. In the preface...or maybe it was the introduction...she poses the question "who are your heroes" for she observes that if we are going to arrive safely in the harbor then "surely we need some lights to steer by."

Most of us would without hesitation declare JESUS! And that is as it should be. Yet who are the ones that followed Jesus well from whom we can take example?

Immediately some long dead saints came to mind. Ones whose life in God I would like to also obtain. Sadly, there were only a handful. Amy Carmichael, Jim Elliot, Francis of Assisi, John of the Cross.

I wondered if there were any modern "saints" who carried something in God that I long to have in my life. If so, their walk is worth gleaning from. A few came to mind. When I think if prayer and compassion I want to be like the Dungans. When leadership and tenderness comes to mind I think of the Hoods. When I contemplate the idea of "carrying the Presence" I think of Misty. If I want to consider perseverance under great trial I think of my Mom.

But when I think of Joyous Mysticism...that delightful blend of running after Jesus and being full of life and joy....I think of Sister Mary Jessica for I truly believe Jesus was a well-rounded man. I mean, after all, He was God in the flesh. He lived out everything to it's fullest and best "extreme". He was a devout lover of the Father and He was full of joy. That is ideal. To be not a depressed (or even "repressed") mystic but a joyful lover.

Recently I received an email and video clips from Sister Mary Jessica, my sister in the truest sense, who lives in a community in Norway. She wrote of how she has her own "basement cell" where she goes to be alone with Jesus. She was curled up in front of a wood stove with her Bible and a copy of "Practicing the Presence of God". I thought "Wow. That's precious". She had me (and our entire household) in stitches with her videos as she was doing spoofs of things like the missionary biography "Bruchko". I thought "Wow. That's so fun". She had me weeping as she emailed of the encounter she had with God on top of a mountain. I thought "Wow. That's amazing." She had me jealous when she told of pouring untold hours into missions work and leading young girls into the things of God. I thought "Wow. That's such a blessing."
What diversity. What pursuit. What balance. Hey! I see Jesus there.

A Joyous Mystic. That's what I want to be. A delighted and contended and whole-hearted in every area, Lover of Jesus.

Here's to you Sister Mary Jessica. May you continue to inspire us all......

Celebrating the Incarnation Season: Images in Our Home

I am everlastingly fascinated by the Incarnation.

To look at a little baby in a manger and think "Wow. God did that!"

To listen to songs like Mark Lowry's writing: "Mary Did You Know" and think about her "kissing the face of God".

To think of St. Francis who created the very first Nativity scene becuase he wanted to share his delight in contemplating the incarnation.

To wonder...maybe God enjoyed becoming a human.

Oh the joy. The rapture. The delight. GOD WITH US!!

Immanuel....

A Visit to YWAM Ozarks....

Larry & I took a trip down to YWAM in the Ozarks of Arkansas for a little "retreat" and time to chit chat with YWAM leaders. It's interesting to know what is going on in YWAM with prayer and such these days.

So, it was a very refreshing time. And YWAM has once again lived up to their high value on hospitality!!! :)

Here are some pictures. They have a delightful base!
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How good it was to walk in and find my name on a door!
















And I started crying when I found a traditional YWAM welcome basket. I had forgotten about those!!!















Views from the ridge & of some of the property. YWAM Ozarks is on top of a mountain & they have 40 acres of land.

When All Else Fails.....

WORSHIP JESUS THROUGH......

The Beauty of His Creation

The Comfort of Close Friends.....



(Photos by Leigh : Rose in my backyard and Meerkats @ the KCMO Zoo....)

Bride of Light

My sweet friend, Laurie Brower, has had a dream on her heart for years to start a singing/teaching ministry that would share with the women of Chistendom who they really are in Christ.

As Jesus is the Bridegroom so we, Christians, are His Bride.


Laurie had pity on her friends Amanda and Leigh and asked them to join her! :) These ladies are truly one of the highlights of my life!

I love singing with them, talking about Jesus with them and, darn it all, just being with them!!!!



















So, these were a few pictures from our practices right before our first official "gig" a few weeks ago....

I remember You. I don't remember "frump God"...I remember YOU.

(blog title is an adaptation from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding")

Lately God has had me re-reading old YWAM books. I had not picked these books up for years although they were a steady part of my diet 8, 9, 10 years ago. I was so afraid that if I read them I would be angry or sad or feel like God was nowhere to be found anymore. That something would stir in my heart that I could do nothing about.

So I've been fighting to not read them.
Then a few days ago, I gave in.
And, yes, something did happen in my heart.
Something came alive.

I am beginning to see that God in not small and incapable as I was beginning to believe Him to be.
Just because life has been so hard and dry for me over the past few years does not mean He is a not alive & well & still moving on the earth.
He is not the little God I now have but a HUGE God who does wonders. Huh.
He is not the powerless God I was starting to believe but He is strong and mighty to save.
He is not the distant and unconcerned God, He is a loving God Who is near at hand.

I cannot really explain the shift that is starting in my heart. But it is starting.
I really truly can know God again. For real. This big, powerful, loving, delightful God that I once knew.
This God is truly the God of the Universe. The God of the Bible. The God Who lives with us moment by moment.

Wow.

And as my heart peeks out of it's cave I start to remember the days when I ran with God. For real. When He was every breath and the delight of my world....not merely my survival.
As David in the Psalms I remember how I "used to lead the procession into the house of the Lord".
Why are you downcast O my soul...hope in God.

I remember El Salvador when the demons went with a word. Yes, that did happen, didn't it?
I remember when I was overcome intercession and stayed home all day weeping and praying over the people.
I remember Maria getting instantly healed when God told me to pray for her.
I remember Him showing up in Argentina.
I remember how He led us safely out of South America on a cargo ship.
I remember hearing His Voice.
I remember seeing God move in little ways.
I remember the deep friendships He sent my way.
I remember the little unexpected "gifts".
I remember His tenderness.
I remember joy.
I remember life.
I remember Him.

Oh that I would live in that place again.

And as my heart moves and comes alive through my reading I think......maybe....maybe it really is possible. Maybe we weren't wrong. Maybe......just maybe......maybe there really is resurrection.....maybe there really is LIFE and LIFE MORE ABUNDANTLY!!!!!!

Union With God: A Poem from the Dark Night - circa 2005

What are You thinking?
What are You feeling?
As You come to the door
Dripping with the blood of Your passion?
You have been crowned
Crowned by Your mother
Rejoicing in Your wedding day
Resulting
In this knocking
Are You longing too?
Longing, calling, weeping
Desiring that the one You desire
That You love
That You want to run with
Would run with You to the garden
And weep?
Weep just one night with You?
Share the burdens of Your heart?

You stand at the door
Your Head of Divinity covered with dew
Your locks of humanity with the drops of the night
The night……the night
Ah. So You enter Your dark night
And long for companionship there
How Your heart must long and yearn also…..
And so You woo
Woo the one Your heart desires
“My sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one”……
Your heart reaches out to partner.
Weep with me…..weep with me yet this one night.
But she does not understand.
How Your heart must break
How can You stand to weep alone?


Don’t weep alone, O God-man
Don’t weep alone!
Though she hesitated for a moment
She arose
Arose to run after You
To run with You
To rejoice over You
“My Beloved is white
He is ruddy!”
Yes! Yes! Now she sees
You are the God-man
You are altogether lovely
You are the Well-Beloved
You are my friend.

She sees! She sees!
And You no longer weep alone
She sees Your passion and joins You
She sees You laid in the tomb
Upon Your bed of spices
She no longer runs from You
She runs after You

What are You thinking?
What are You feeling?
You led her into a dark night
That she might partner with You in Yours
Your heart was not to destroy
But to purify
Your desire was to draw her closer
To make of her one who could weep with You
And that which was declared of You
You now declare of her.
The desire of Your heart was a Bride
And a Bride You have fashioned
How Your heart rejoices!
Yes, she is Jerusalem in Your eyes.


My heart is screaming
You love me…..You love me….
This was not unto death
But unto Life
You desired me
And were intentional in Your pursuit
You would have me
Yes, even me
To become a part of You
Will You let me, then, weep with You
Even this one night
Will You let me run with You
And tend to the desires of Your Heart?
Me? Even me?

Your dark night is Your tenderness
You look on with longing……
with compassion…….
with ardent desire………
That burns and will not be quenched.
You love. You love so deeply
That You must be poured out
And then You pour out the ones You love
Your intentions are tender and good
They are love
Yes, You weep with us
When even as yet, we could not weep with You
Yet You continue to form
to create
As clay in the hands of the Potter
So You fashion Your Bride
In the furnace of the dark night
And though we think You sleep…….
……… no ………
Your Heart is ever awake…..
ever longing……..
ever desiring……..
Your eyes burn like a flame of fire
The fire of Your ardent love
And those whom You love
You discipline
And those whom You love
You purify
And though You do not delight in the process
You delight in the result.


So what are You thinking?
What are You feeling?
Love
Desire
And the furnace of the dark night
Is to bring about a vessel
In which You see Your face reflected
And You are satisfied.

Like A Day In Latin America....

First, you start by singing an intercession set in Spanish. This sets the mood of the day and gives everyone a chance to pray for Latin America and the Hispanics of Kansas City.

Then you go to an apartment complex that is about 99.9% Hispanic and do a children's outreach.

Don't forget to end with a pinata!! :)

Union With God: The Marriage of the 1st & 2nd Commandments

As my heart moves and settles into the realization that I want to worship and know Jesus intimately above all else I also realize how much I still want to be like Jesus....even to the point of death. Whether that be laying my life down for a friend until it kills me when God asks me to do that or being martyred in the Middle East. I want the Word to be "incarnated" through me!!

I truly truly believe that intimacy with Jesus involves throwing ourselves into both commandments with abandon. And I have waxed eloquent on this in past blogs.

Jesus Himself said "if you love me, you'll keep my commandments". And when asked what was the greatest commandment He named both. The first, first and closely on the heels, the second. So, if I truly want to love Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind and strength it means I sit at His feet in worship first and then I go out and lay my life down for others in love. Even unto death. He left us an example that we should follow in His steps. And HE lived both commandments out to the fullest. Until both the "saved" and the "unsaved" that He had come to love fully, killed Him. Hmmm.

Even the monks who I so love to study knew this. Not one of them abandoned either the first or the second commandment. They prayed much and they loved much and they died much. St. Francis, one of my two favorite Catholic "monks", loved Jesus with everything in him and poured his life out for the poor and hurting. He is remembered as being the saint who was the most like Jesus. Wow. Oh that we would all be so remembered.

But to be so, it's the Marriage of the First and Second Commandments.

So, I see that in my own "monastic" journey, it involves both. I want to live my life passionately before God alone. I want to live for another world, another age. And that age has some wierd rules....lose your life to find it. Die to live. Love and self-sacrifice are higher than self-preservation. Yet we don't just go lie in a street and die of exposure or beat ourselves to "participate in the sufferings of Christ". But we do lay our lives down for others at the call of God. Living life before Him. When He says "die for this one in my Name for the sake of love"....we do it. Then it becomes the fellowship of His sufferings....

But that's another topic.

What Is This "New Monasticism"?

I thought it might be a fun idea to give a bit of explanation regarding this "New Monasticism" (see blog below) as I understand it.
Again, everyone will walk this out differently. It is more a set of the heart than it is clothing or details of expression...... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"New Monasticism" is a term I first ran across in a book entitled The New Friars.

For the sake of definition at this point "monk" is a term used initially in Catholicism to describe one who was a "religious living in a cloister and devoting himself to contemplation and prayer and work". In other words someone who had fully dedicated their life to Jesus through prayer, contemplation and manual labor and who lived in some sort of community where others were doing the same thing. This community was a "monastery". Originally the term "monk" was used only for men and they were celibate. Now it is used for men and women and they can be single or married. For a delightful Catholic example of this mix this see: www.littleportion.org/. For a Protestant example see: www.prayerfoundation.org/.

In the "old days" you had only Catholic monks. The monastery was pretty austere and they sang Gregorian Chant etc. The "New Monasticism" is a taking of this old concept and re-working it for a new generation that wants to throw off the spirit of this age and whole-heartedly pursue Jesus through prayer, fasting, contemplation and manual labor.

One example of this is the Taize Community in France. See: www.taize.fr/en
An second fascintating example is the "Boiler Room" Movement. See: www.24-7prayer.us/
A third example, where I have thrown in my lot, is the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. www.ihop.org/


Although we maintain the same ideas and "patterns" of the monastic idea we do not do Gregorian Chant but "Harp and Bowl" (here at the IHOP-KC anyway) which is same concept in praying the Scriptures through antiphonal singing but with a different style music for this generation. This is part of the reason why I see it is not as "Monasticism" but "New Monasticism". It is an unofficial designation but the category we fall into. Some of us refer to ourselves as "Carmelitos Evangelicos" or "Evangelical Carmelites". The Carmelite Order is an old order from Spain which many would be familiar with through John of the Cross. His poetry is stunning and portrays a man who was so unbelievably in love with Jesus.


Here is an official definition of "New Monasticism": New Monasticism, or Neomonasticism, is a modern day iteration of a long tradition of Christian monasticism which has recently developed within certain communities associated with Protestant Evangelicalism. New Monastic communities vary in their particular values. Some emphasize very specific marks,where others emphasize other principles. The most common occurring principle among New Monasticism is a seeking after a more thought-out, prayerful, contemplative, and peaceful life.


There are no books specifically on the New Monasticism to my knowledge but I would HIGHLY recommend The New Friars by Scott Besseneker. (http://www.amazon.com/New-Friars-Emerging-Movement-Serving/dp/0830836012)


Regarding "Protestant Monks".....

This concept I first ran across in people like Rich Mullins and Amy Carmichael.


Although there is no official "vow taking ceremony" in most evangelical circles there are many people I have run across throughout life who have felt this tug from Jesus to walk in the "ancient paths" of prayer, fasting, etc. The First Commandment being First sort of thing and they desire to make it more...official...so to speak.


In the old traditions of monasticism the monks abandoned everything the world put it's hope, focus, time and etc into and took vows, separating themselves from all of that and throwing their lives at the feet of Jesus with abandon. Like Mary of Bethany (or the harlot, depending on which Gospel you're reading) pouring the oil of worship on the feet of Jesus.


The monks of old, took vows before God, shaved their heads and became "consecrated" unto the Jesus. The traditional vows are of poverty, obedience and chastity. Different Orders have different variations on this. Some have a vow of simplicity and not complete poverty. Others add vows. But basically it is the same.


So, there are many Protestant who make their own vow ceremonies and take vows to Jesus of simplicity, obedience and chastity, defining the outworking of these things according to their life calling.


Chastity is pretty obvious in that if you are not married then you walk in abstinence, if you are married you do not go beyond that marriage bond.

Obedience can also be walked out in various ways. It would seem unwise, though, to vow complete obedience to people. Nowhere in Scripture does it say we are to abandon our heads, boundaries and what God is telling us to do to blindly follow what someone else says. We should vow to completely and fully obey the Lord no matter what the cost, for sure. Yet also to obey leaders, for this does have a measure of importance Biblically. And this is so even if it goes against what one wants to do at times, as long as it did not conflict with the person's own conscience or what God was asking them to do. For example, if a leader asks you to mop the floor and you would rather plant flowers... mop the floor! But if they ask you to preach on Sunday night and you feel that God does not want you to right then you probably shouldn't.


The third vow, of poverty/simplicty, is also walked out in various ways. A common example among Protestants and Catholics is only buying clothes at thrift stores or garage sales. One great thrift store here in KCMO is a Christian one and all the proceeds go to the homeless. Even furtinture is procured used or off the side of the road from the bulk trash piles.

Many people don't watch TV or play video games as a vow of "separation" for the sake of using the time for Jesus or for relationship with others. Not to mention that if you do not put garbage into the brain you do not have to get it back out...and lack of "yuck" leaves more room for Him!

So, those who do this sort of thing are still Protestant but having taken vows of monastic strain and choosing to live out a monastic lifestyle, as listed in the definition above, they may consider themselves a "Protestant Monk", if you will.


Really, thinking about it, this "monastic thing" is just Christianity 101 anyhow. If we sit down and honestly look at what God teaches us to do it is summed up in Monasticism. Love the Lord your God first. Do not become entangled in the things of the world. Do not store up treasure on earth but in heaven. Be involved in community. Love one another deeply from the heart. Remember the poor. It's Matthew 5, 6 and 7. It's the lifestyle of Jesus and we are supposed to "follow in His steps".


Many of the Orders of old began because the world had fallen into such degradation and the church was not doing much better. Those who longed to go back to the teaching of Scripture and lifestyle of Jesus passionately threw off the "sin that so easily entangles and every weight that hinders" and became what we now know as "monks". We are seeing this same trend today.


Granted there are certainly sharks in the Catholic monastic waters of old. One must be wise and stay within the parameters the Bible. For example, it is stupid and unhealthy to be in solitude all the time. Relationships are meant to lead us into wholeness, righteousness and love. Yet we cannot neglect time alone with Jesus either and be absorbed in others and/or in activity. We need to go deep in both places. We need both the Divine and the human, as a friend so succinctly puts it.


Needless to say this does not make any of us perfect!! Yet, we strive to grow and be more like Him every day. And we are not austere, all longfaced and boring either! We are not ascetics. I Mean, my goodness, Christians are the Beloved Bride of Christ!! We, as true hopefully with everyone who claims to love and follow Him, just want to get rid of all that "hinders and tangles our feet". We just want everything we do to be dedicated to Him. And that's not to say that other people are not dedicated to Him. It's just a matter of the calling on your life and how you feel led to walk that dedication out.


I guess I just want to belong to Jesus and love Him as mush as I possibly can on this side of eternity. Not because I have to earn His love but because He is so in love with me and I am so in love with Him. As a result of that reality, I want to abandon all in order to find Him more deeply...to be as close to His Heart as possible. And it's a journey. Intimacy takes time and work and knowledge. But it's a great journey!


On a final note as far as this topic. If you want a really really good book that looks at the Monastic lifestyle in general here's my all time favorite: Seeking God: The Way of St. Benedict by Esther de Waal. (www.amazon.com/Seeking-God-Way-Benedict-Second/dp/0814613888)

One Thing I Have Desired...Ps 27:4

Life has certainly been coming around full circle for me these days.

Many things that I have thought I would want to do (move to Latin America, go back with YWAM, etc) have presented themselves in the past year and the Lord gave me a choice in each situation. I think to show me where my heart really is. And I discovered for sure what has been slowly revealing itself over the past year.....I want to be here at the IHOP. I really truly want to live a "monastic" lifestyle in this swirl that authors are referring to as "the New Monasticism". IHOP is not the only place walking this out, but it is the place where I want to give myself to this calling of prayer, fasting and worship.

There are many callings in this life with God and all are valid when they come from His Heart and not our own. As I have journeyed back through my own heart and my own life I realize that a "monk" is who I have always been at the core and who I want to remain.

My primary objective, then, really is to "sit at the feet of Jesus". I want to hear the Beat of His Heart and do His bidding when He asks, not when I have "itchy feet", as it were. Any of us who have studied monk-type people whether they be St. Francis, John of the Cross, Amy Carmichael, John Donne, Gary Thomas or whomever, realize that they all maintain a heart for the poor and hurting. They each walked it out differently but it was there... for they sought to go into the depths of the Heart of Jesus and then bring forth what they had gleaned in service to others.

That part I have not fully worked out in my life. In fact, I am so curious how the monastics blended the first and second commandments that I have already proposed to the University of South Africa (where I have applied to do my D.Th.) to write my dissertation on the marriage of the 1st and 2nd commandments as the monks saw it.

There is no doubt that the First Commandment should remain first. But somehow the 2nd commandment does pour out of that. I have definitely come to the conclusion that intercession for the poor is at the top of the list for me as I feel the groans and cries on God's Heart. Praying that His justice would break forth and that He would soon return to make all things right.

Anyway. All my life I have longed to spend the majority of my time in worship. Had I lived in the OT I would have desired to be part of the tribe of Levi...for that is what they did. They served the Lord in His Temple. Everyone else's calling was equally valid but the Levites were the ones who were charged with Worship first and foremost. The First Commandment was what they did. That's what I feel I am called to first and foremost as well. Interestingly, if you study tithing in the OT, most of the tithe was stored by the priests for the poor. So they had this cry for the poor too.

As you may know, too, I took vows as a "Protestant Monk" years ago.

Seven years ago, to be exact.

And I am just really owning that this is the reality of my life.

And yes, there are "married monks", even in the Catholic tradition!!

So. Larry and I will not be leaving Kansas City. In fact, he will be joining staff this Fall as well.

I am really excited to see what all the Lord has in store.

One thing I have desired of the Lord

That I will seek

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life

To behold the beauty of the Lord

And to inquire in His temple....

Ps 27:4

But Joy Comes In The Morning

The shifts that have been transpiring in my heart the past few weeks has been amazing. Life had become a thing just to be survived until I could die and get to heaven...which was not particularly fun, especially since I used to be the kind of person who found joy and life in everything because I believed that everything pointed to God and led me to God.

Lately, as my heart has opened back up on various levels, I am finding joy in everything again. And an interesting lack of fear of change and the unknown. It's so good.

Not to mention that suddenly Jesus seems really near and really real. And I feel so free to be myself in Him again. Now that's a shift!!

A song just came on the radio "I Will Remember". It talks about remembering Who Jesus is and what He has done. That's where I am finding myself...really seeing God again. Really remembering Who He is and all that He has done.

And suddenly life is not a burden to be borne but an adventure to be lived!

And the reality that GOD IS HUGE is breaking through again!

Now that's the Hand of God. It throws me back to the days when I used to sign my support letters "Dancing to the Beat of His Heart".

My heart has ceased to dance for a long time as "weeping tarried for the night" but suddenly "joy comes in the morning". What a relief. And I can see His Hand in so much that has happened. In the good, the bad and even in the confusing. And I have realized that even when He shares His Heart with me, although it is my responsibility in this partnership of Bridegroom and bride to walk out what He gives me, the end results are up to Him and not me. I am not the "responsible one", as it were. And that makes even the heaviest burden, light. Not that we will not groan and weep over the things that are in the world and the things that are to come, but there is a "joy set before us"!!! And I see that again.

And my heart rejoiceth in God my Savior!!!

And so we dance.

Sometimes it's a tango, other times a jig and many times a pavane...but there is adventure in all when we are near His Heart.

Wisdom Is Justified By Her Children...

The journey of intimacy with Jesus is a funny thing. And even funnier are the things which move the heart. In recent weeks I have been reading John Donne's poetry again. One poem in particular opens my heart to God and causes me to weep every time I read it, just like it did in High School. Batter My Heart, Three Person'd God, it's called. As I read it again recently it led me down another train of thought that has surfaced lately, which led to another and another and on down the rabbit trails of the heart.....


I started contemplating again the story of Mary of Bethany. How she poured oil on the feet of Jesus in worship. He said of her that this was good as it prepared Him for His burial. That's nice. I so longed to worship Jesus like that. To pour my vial of worship over Him, as it were, weep and wash His tired feet with my hair. But, I mean really, I cannot relate to sweet little gentle kind perfect virginal Mary. So the tendency arises to think with a sigh....yeah, right. Don't I wish. But as I flipped through the various accounts I re-read one in Luke. Here the was no pristine Mary of Bethany. But a whore.

Now, I can relate to a whore. Frankly, we are all more likely to relate to her if we're really honest with ourselves. She, too, poured oil on the feet of Jesus is worshipful abandon, knowing she was not pure and pristine but despised and rejected. Hmmmm. And she also wept, knowing her need of Him, and wiped His feet with her hair. Jesus did not say anything even mildly benign and dull to her but He said she was one who loved much. Wow. That's what I want Him to be able to say to me. That I loved Him much! And He said it not to the pure, seemlingly perfect one to whom I could not relate, but to the whore. I wept for hours. I still weep when I think about it. Truly those who are far less than perfect can come to Him and pour their vial of worship over Him and be told they loved much. How freeing!!

How true throughout life and throughout Scripture. Jesus said it was the ill who needed a doctor not the well. He gave Himself for the poor, the needy, the crippled, the lame...whether physical, emotional or spiritual in nature. He expended Himself. He did not hold back. In fact He says that "the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!". Hm. And we are called to "follow in His steps". We are called to be like Him, to live like Him, to love like Him. Hm.

Rich Mullins, in one of the songs he wrote for the Jesus Record, right before he died, has the following interpretation of this verse: "the whores all seem to love Him and the drunks prepare a toast. And they say 'surely God is with us.' " Jesus ended the thought with wisdom is justified by her children. When was the last time our wisdom in ministry was "justified" because we were hanging out with the broken, the poor, the deranged, the drunks, the demonized, the emotional & spiritual & physical whores, with no thought of the cost to ourselves? When was the last time I was a "libation poured out on the altar" for someone else's faith?

Just a thought. Or two.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You don’t think much of me, Nicky,” I said, “but I feel different about you. I love you, Nicky.” I took a step toward him.“You come near me, Preacher,” he said in that tortured voice, “and I’ll kill you.”“You could do that,” I agreed, “You could cut me in a thousand pieces and lay them out in the street and every piece would love you.”
(David Wilkerson from The Cross and The Switchblade)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The incarnated word...

St. Alphonsus Ligouri wrote "the teaching of God is not by word but by being; 'The Word became flesh'. Our task is to let our flesh become Word." In other words, as God took on human form to communicate His Heart to us we should allow Him to make our flesh into His Word and so communicate His Heart to others. We should incarnate the Gospel.

This is a concept that I have tried desperately to lay aside in the past 1/2 a year but it just won't go away. God has "induced me and I have been persuaded" a la Jeremiah and therefore am looking at the concept yet again.

The Lord is taking me on a very interesting journey lately and as I ended up in November realising that I do indeed want to sit at the feet of Jesus, like I did at 17, He is now showing me that He was also the One who put this other burning desire in me. It's like I'm reliving my late teen years and getting a clearer grasp on what He was showing me. Rather odd journey, maybe, but for those of you who know my testimony of the sexual abuse I went through in college (starting at 18 and going throughout all my college years), maybe it won't seem so odd.

At any rate. As I studied Amy Carmichael, a missionary/mystic in India who rescued child prostitutes and was steeped in the Bridal Paradigm, when I was 17, so I now am finding myself running into books like The New Friars. This book was one of the elements God has used lately to re-open the reality that He has called me to "incarnate His Word" among the poor & broken. It's stories of young people who are leaving everything behind to live in slums with the poor and allowing Jesus to incarnate His Word through them. My heart burst into flame again and I thought...I need to be involved in something like this!

So. Having re-engaged with the part of me that "sits at the feet of Jesus" I am now exploring that part of my heart that wants to walk as Jesus walked. Hmm. The Marriage of the First & Second Commandments. Hmmm. Union With God.

What that looks like at present and in the near future has several angles. First, I have been going through an inner healing program for the...what....4th time? (let's make sure all the layers are off this onion!!) It's been good. The desire of my heart is that my "laying my life down" really really be out of love for Jesus and not in fulfillment of some need of my own. I want to love Him as I see Him behind the eyes of the poor & broken (as Mother Teresa said) knowing that when I offer even a cup of cold water to one who is hurting I have offered it to Him. So, I am going through healing yet again to get rid of anything else that still might be in there that would cause me to be incarnating out of mixed motives or will keep me from loving Him and others well.

Then I am going to be off exploring my heart, as it were. :) Larry & I will be going down to Little Portion Hermitage to be volunteer monks with the charismatic Franciscans in June. He will be there a week and I will stay 2-3 more. Then I will be going to Nicaragua for two weeks in July to help with a ministry that rescues child prostitues from the garbage dump slum in Managua. (see: http://www.aguafresca.org/NicDump.html) I have long had a heart for prostitutes, and esp young ones, as "sex for survival" is something with which I am unfortunately familiar from those college years (and, no, I wasn't a prostitute... somewhat different swirl but same result at the end of the day). I am also working on plans to go live in the Cuernavaca Slum for a month sometime in the next year, though probably not this summer. I want to be in there with the poor...praying, worshiping, just being with them. I am also looking more deeply into the possibility of doing a small clinic and a small scale feeding program.

I do very much still believe in the pre-eminence of prayer! And I have no intention of leaving that aside. But I also know that other things burn and groan within me as well and unless I am living out both sides I will not encounter Jesus fully and I will not love Him fully, in the way that I was created to love & encounter Him.

And so I will follow the Lamb wherever He goes......