Pure Heart...another 8 weeks coming up!

Pure Heart is one of the inner healing ministries at the IHOP-KC.
This is also one of the places I serve here in Kansas City.

For eight weeks about 100 people come together to learn more about God's Heart towards them and to learn how to walk in more relational and personal wholeness. It is an amazing ministry!

Tonight another eight weeks begin! This time around I will not only be leading a small group but I will be teaching again as well. I am so very excited. I delight in allowing God to use me and the testimony of my "past" to bring others into a place of opportunity for healing. And into a deeper understanding of the love of Jesus.

The first few times it was a bit daunting to get up in front of friends and strangers and pour out my not so savory past of abuse and sin, yet, I find it gets easier each time. It is a relief to walk in "reality". "This is who I am. This is what happened to me. This is what God has wrought in me as a result. He can heal you too!" And then to be completely loved and accepted in my rawness is a gift that cannot be rejoiced in enough. :)

Next time around (this summer) I will also be a coordinator in training to, as our fearless leader puts it, "take Pure Heart to the ends of the earth!" I feel honored. And I am looking forward to this opportunity!!

So. Off we go on the adventure again.

Yeeehaaaaa!

All That Was Ever Ours....

Years ago, after Larry & I completed our YWAM DTS we were visiting his parents and I read a book by Elisabeth Elliot that made a huge impact on my heart.

Mercifully, Larry's mom still had the book and gave it to me. I remembered why it meant so much and the same thoughts are encouraging and directing me now.
The book title is based on a quote by Amy Carmichael. She observes "All that was ever ours is ours forever."

As I have looked back over the years and also looked forward to what the Lord may have for us in this next season this quote again becomes very appropriate. Indeed, all that we have ever done or thought or experienced, all the places we have lived, all the people that we have met, all of the deep relationships we have formed are ours. They can never be changed or taken away. And even better, all the ones that are good and right and true, done in and with God, are ours forever.

And I believe that is especially true with relationship. With God and with others. Relationship is something that never ends but goes with us into eternity.
So the past is to be cherished for it is mine for always. The future is to be looked forward to for it will be mine for always too! :)

On that note.....

Larry and I had an amazing trip. We remembered things that needed to be remembered and now we are looking forward into the next season.

While at YWAM Tyler many, many possibilities opened up to us. As well as possibilities for a future Prayer School (mixed with outreach of course!) we would like to start in YWAM. That is a few years off, but something to hold in anticipation.

As a result, Larry & I are leaning into re-joining YWAM, starting in Tyler, Texas.
We are still praying and thinking as we want to make a wise decision before the Lord, but with all the contacts we made and all the opportunities that opened up to us, it seems we may indeed be headed in that direction.

We have the option to work with the 24/7 Prayer ministry on the Tyler Base, MercyWorks which is their traveling mercy ministry, Schools, their Inner Healing Dept, the Strategic Frontiers Missions Dept, among other things. Every time we thought we'd like to connect with someone we'd "bump into them" without even trying. It was as if the Lord were trying to make it clear we were to be involved with this base.

There are so many stories that I cannot even begin to write them all here. Suffice it to say it was startling for us. Tyler was a walk through the past as we met leaders who had led our DTS in Juarez Mexico, parts of the Base looked exactly like the YWAM Base in Colorado, etc. It might also have been a glimpse into our future with the all the possibilities. "All that was ever ours is ours forever."

I want to finish up my M.A. before heading out, we need to sort and pack, we need the Lord to raise up prayer and financial partners for us and such. Therefore if the Lord keeps confirming that this is the next step we are projecting to head for Tyler in January.

Please continue to pray for us!

Brainstorming Over Burnt Popcorn

Here we are back in YWAM Tyler.

This has been a most interesting trip. To say the very least. We are not much more settled on where we should go but we are getting more clarity on what it is we want to do.

The one thing I have realized for sure is that for me, it is all about relationships. There are things I want to “do”, like I very much want to teach, but at the end of the day it is so much more about relationships, deep deep lasting friendships, than it is about task. I am way more people oriented than I am task oriented. I found that, per a previous blog, what I grieve for the most in losing YWAM Stonewall was the loss of the presence of those with whom I had planned to live and work alongside. I have a longing to live and work and pray and travel with the same people. To be in close community in every aspect. That is hard to find. I had in once on YWAM’s M/V Good Samaritan, I had it once when several of us were in South America and I had it at YWAM Stonewall. Three times. Enough to make me really miss it!!

But then the question arises…what do I even feel called to do anymore?
And with whom would we run?

So then. On that note…….

Over the past month we have gotten into various conversations that end up as discussions of what we want to do. What is our vision. What burns on our hearts.
Up until very recently we would have told you we had no clue. Yet, every time we end up in a conversation we somehow come around to the same place. This has happened so many times since at least December and now very frequently in the past 4 weeks that we are starting to think that maybe we do know what we want to do. Or at least the framework of it. Maybe.

Somehow, over burnt popcorn this morning, it all came bursting out again in a conversation with a young man who is heading up the 24/7 Prayer Initiative here. And as Larry & I talked about it afterwards, and as we reflected on all the other similar conversations since last December....well...a pattern has begun to emerge.

Yes, we want to be in YWAM.
Yes, we want to be involved in a lifestyle of prayer and of knowing and following God.
Yes, we want missions/outreach/mercy ministry to be involved.
Essentially we want to live out a Marriage of the First and Second Commandments.
Or in YWAM lingo, we want to know God and make Him known.
Yet, in all of this, we want to disciple people to do these things as we live together.
Actually we want to start a YWAM Base.
We want a school that trains deeply in the interior life, community, worship, intercession, celebration, joy, feasting. Sort of like Celtic Christianity. Well, yes, Celtic Christianity.
And it would be great on a farm where you can also learn community development.
And what I'd really like to see too is training for people who are not in "typical missions".
Having weekends (or a couple of weeks) where people can come really cheaply and learn how to encounter God in every day life. Like Larry has been doing at his job.
Not everyone can join YWAM or the IHOP but they still need to be able to learn how to find God according to who they are and where they are.

Which isn't too far fetched as we practically did this when we were traveling throughout South America with a friend in the late 90's and in Stonewall, Colorado in the early 2000's.

There is even the potential of a farm to use in Alabama. And maybe one in Canada.

Hmmmm.

Anyway. There is alot of dreaming and verbal processing in this blog. In case you haven't figured it out, I am a verbal processor. :)

It has been fascinating though to see this dream pop out of our mouths over and over and over again. Maybe there IS something to it. It certainly is burning in there. And maybe not.

And it certainly raises the question: if this is at all possible...what is the YWAM path that would take us there? Or if it’s not a YWAM path…what IS the path?

At any rate, you sure can learn alot about your dreams and desires over handfuls of burnt popcorn!!

Sharing The Grief On My Heart

These past few weeks have been so very strange.
I'm not at all sure how to process it all.

Larry & I moved to Kansas City from a beautiful YWAM Base in Southern Colorado.
They were selling the base. Many of us had planned to stay at that base indefinitely.

For the past few weeks I have found myself reconnecting with many people I knew from YWAM in the past. Among them are friends from YWAM Stonewall, CO. I am so surprised to find that they have had equally hard journeys since leaving Colorado. And I am also surprised to find that they still miss it as much as I do.

In fact. Some of us are grieving. Myself included. And Larry. It seems so odd to be grieving a loss that occurred 5 years ago. But maybe it's because for the first time some of us are admitting the pain. And we are openly discussing our lost dreams. And therefore wondering how one goes about recovering dreams. Or do you just re-dream?

But dreaming is scary...the lesson several of us learned in Stonewall....for dreams may not come to pass. And then what? Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Indeed, several of us are heart sick.
Five years ago we all lost our dreams. Things we thought God had placed on our hearts and we all went into "deserts". In the 5 years since we have all been through the fires, as it were. As I started reflected on all of our stories, it seems odd that almost all of us went into deserts.

So, I find myself grieving. And I didn't even know I still needed to grieve. Grieving the loss of Stonewall, the loss of my dear friends with whom I shared such a close camaraderie and so many plans, the loss of personal dreams of ministry and raising a family and having a farm, the loss of a baby, the loss of children we had hoped to adopt, the "loss" of my best friend/sister to another continent, the loss of my sense of self, the loss of belief that God had placed anything good in me and could ever use me and on and on and on.

Grieving, yes. Grieving hard and wondering why I waited 5 years to weep. But also longing to hope again. No, I'm actually flirting with hope and it scares me. And I'm flirting with dreaming and that scares me more.

Some Stonewall friends are wanting to dream again too but are also unsure. Another friend just observes "whatever is, just is."

So what does one do? How do you "go on with life"? And how do I not leave behind the things I loved and dreamed about in the process? I refuse to go on to the point of not standing by those I still love. Do I hope that one day we will all work together again? Or do I just resign myself to "keeping in touch"? What does picking up the pieces look like?

And yet life is calling out to me even in the midst of the recognition of my grief.
We have reconnected with friends from the past. We all do still love each other.
There are opportunities in YWAM Tyler.
Oddly there are also opportunities opening up at IHOP.

Where do I go?
What do I do?
Good grief, who are we now?

O Father! What do You have for us?

Maybe this is the closure I need on the past so that I can go forward with all of my friends, old and new, into the future...?

Thoughts on our trip thus far....

A man may plan his way but it is the Lord who directs his steps.....

When we left Kansas City it seemed like a good possibility that we would land at YWAM in Florida. We were both eager to go there and thought the doors would open. We also wanted to visit YWAM in Texas but when we left KC it appeared that we might not fit in well with the visions and dreams we carried on our hearts.

Oh my, what a reversal. As it all turns out we would not fit in so well in Florida, although they are wonderful!! But it seems the Lord may really be opening doors for us in Texas. Odd. We thought we would end up closer to family on the East Coast but instead we may, therefore, end up only 8.5 hrs south of Kansas City. Surely this would make it easier to maintain relationships in Kansas City as well as a close heart-tie with the IHOP-KC. (not to mention how nice it will be to be able to bring up students for a week here and there!)

If you have been following along on my blogs you already know the connects we had on the base in Texas. There were others too that I just did not have the time to mention. We even left KC with some solid criteria in mind regarding what a "good fit" would look like from practical, relational and spiritual angles. And the Texas base met all of these. Which was nice. To say the very least.

So, we are starting the migration back towards KC and will be staying another 2 days at the Tyler Base to begin paperwork, build some more relationships, hang out with God a bit more, and etc.

So!! It appears that we may very well be looking at moving to the Tyler, Texas Base this Fall. But, we are going to continue to look at this in wisdom, in prayer and with wise counsel before making a 100% decision.

When we left YWAM 5 years ago to go to the IHOP-KC we were considering going to YWAM in Europe. Yet it seems we are to base out of the USA for now. Neverthless, in YWAM, you tend to end up in all sorts of places!

We want to be careful not to make a rash decision. Joining a base requires a 2 yr commitment. But we also realize that after 2 years, we could go to another base anywhere in the world.

Anyway. We will keep you posted.
We are planning to return to KC in a week.
Please feel free to drop us an email if you have any thoughts! :)

YWAM Orlando

Welcome to YWAM Orlando.

YWAM Orlando is a very hospitable base that consists of about 15 houses in a couple of neighborhoods. For the past 10 years they have been having all of their training and meals in a local church.












This is the church where YWAM Orlando holds meetings and eats all of their meals.

This is the room where Larry & I stayed. I sure do appreciate YWAM's emphasis on hospitality!

We felt a great need to "play tourist" since there were Cuban restaurants around. Nothing compares to black beans, rice, fried bananas and "pastelitos de guayaba"!!

Don't these fried bananas look amazing!

Thoughts on YWAM Tyler

We are presently in Kinston, Alabama visiting some friends we served with in YWAM Stonewall, Colorado.

YWAM Tyler turned out to be an amazing experience on so many levels.

We stayed in dorm 4 with a wonderful lady named Karen. She is part of YWAM Tyler's Mercy Works program. She graciously introduced us to many people. Between that and the people we chatted with on our tour of the base and our introduction at the "family night" service...many, many possibilities opened up to us. We weren't expecting to have such a plethora of choices.

(By the way...this picture is the 24/7 Prayer Chapel on the base)

Anyway....the base is foaming at the mouth to have Larry come work in landscaping. He landscaped for 10 years before we got married. YWAM Tyler has a huge ranch and really could use help. He also can work and travel with Mercy Works and/or be involved with the prayer ministry.

I have possibilities of staffing the Spanish DTS, working with Mercy Works as a nurse and translator and worship leader(Karen has already been trying really hard to recruit me for the Peru trip in the Fall), work with the Pastoral Care/Plumbline Dept ( the YWAM version of IHOP Foundations that I presently work with), be involved with the prayer ministry, be involved with the Strategic Frontiers Missions Dept and/or develop my idea of 24/7 Worship Teams to travel with the Missions Schools to do prayer/worship covering for the teams.

And we thought the stop over in TX was to be a "vacation"! :) It was. But God had other ideas as well. Maybe He is just showing us that He has placed many things in us and is using our time in Texas to call us out......or....maybe He intends for us to end up there.

We will continue to pray. And will be heading for Orlando tomorrow.

It is a good possibility but they do not have a focus on the Muslin world, which we do have and both of us would really really like the opportunity to teach Intimacy with Jesus and various prayer ideas. Nevertheless, there are many possibilities. So, we'll see what God has in mind....

Please continue to pray for us.

Our Welcome Basket! :)

Our room. Yes, a little messy. But it was "home" for a few days (esp since I brought along my own quilt!)

Cabins on the base.

You know you're in YWAM when the mail on base has to be sorted by International location.

Texas...It's like a whole other country!

Larry & I arrived safely to the YWAM Base in Lindale, TX.
It has been such a delight to be here thus far.








Welcome to YWAM!






I began my day with a good 'ole YWAM 8am quiet time! I was on the back porch of the dorm we are staying in with this view. After a little worship & Bible reading I suddenly had the urge to dance. So I grabbed my MP3 player, put on the song "Open Up The Skies" and went dancing with God in this sunlit field. Oh what joy!! I cannot rememebr the last time I felt such freedom. He is everlastingly good.

Next Larry & I went for a drive to see the beauty of the surrounding area. Mostly there are cattle ranches and spring has certainly arrived in East Texas. I was tickled pink to see this newborn calf with it's mom in a field right near the Base.

And little did I know that God has purple wisteria waiting for me!! Oh how I have missed the scent of warm wisteria wafting in the breeze!

And azaleas! God had azaleas waiting for me too!!!! :) HE LOVES ME!!!

The Base has a 24/7 Prayer Chapel based on the Boiler Room model.

This is Larry in that chapel.





A few drawbacks. There was a tarantula on the table right near where I had my quiet time. I heard a wee "thunk" and some point when I was doing my Bible reading. Could it have been this gross fellow? What country am I in anyhow?

Oh! Right! I'm in Texas. And it's like a whole other country!!! ;)