Life has certainly been coming around full circle for me these days.
Many things that I have thought I would want to do (move to Latin America, go back with YWAM, etc) have presented themselves in the past year and the Lord gave me a choice in each situation. I think to show me where my heart really is. And I discovered for sure what has been slowly revealing itself over the past year.....I want to be here at the IHOP. I really truly want to live a "monastic" lifestyle in this swirl that authors are referring to as "the New Monasticism". IHOP is not the only place walking this out, but it is the place where I want to give myself to this calling of prayer, fasting and worship.
There are many callings in this life with God and all are valid when they come from His Heart and not our own. As I have journeyed back through my own heart and my own life I realize that a "monk" is who I have always been at the core and who I want to remain.
My primary objective, then, really is to "sit at the feet of Jesus". I want to hear the Beat of His Heart and do His bidding when He asks, not when I have "itchy feet", as it were. Any of us who have studied monk-type people whether they be St. Francis, John of the Cross, Amy Carmichael, John Donne, Gary Thomas or whomever, realize that they all maintain a heart for the poor and hurting. They each walked it out differently but it was there... for they sought to go into the depths of the Heart of Jesus and then bring forth what they had gleaned in service to others.
That part I have not fully worked out in my life. In fact, I am so curious how the monastics blended the first and second commandments that I have already proposed to the University of South Africa (where I have applied to do my D.Th.) to write my dissertation on the marriage of the 1st and 2nd commandments as the monks saw it.
There is no doubt that the First Commandment should remain first. But somehow the 2nd commandment does pour out of that. I have definitely come to the conclusion that intercession for the poor is at the top of the list for me as I feel the groans and cries on God's Heart. Praying that His justice would break forth and that He would soon return to make all things right.
Anyway. All my life I have longed to spend the majority of my time in worship. Had I lived in the OT I would have desired to be part of the tribe of Levi...for that is what they did. They served the Lord in His Temple. Everyone else's calling was equally valid but the Levites were the ones who were charged with Worship first and foremost. The First Commandment was what they did. That's what I feel I am called to first and foremost as well. Interestingly, if you study tithing in the OT, most of the tithe was stored by the priests for the poor. So they had this cry for the poor too.
As you may know, too, I took vows as a "Protestant Monk" years ago.
Seven years ago, to be exact.
And I am just really owning that this is the reality of my life.
And yes, there are "married monks", even in the Catholic tradition!!
So. Larry and I will not be leaving Kansas City. In fact, he will be joining staff this Fall as well.
I am really excited to see what all the Lord has in store.
One thing I have desired of the Lord
That I will seek
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to inquire in His temple....
Ps 27:4
